You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
