Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
