i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
