i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize
