he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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