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Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
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