Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.