i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It was a blind-side dick pic.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
