the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird