I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people