I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
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You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
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Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf