I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole