a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil