Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
