he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
