Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
