We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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