After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
