and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
