I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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