There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
