i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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