is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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