Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
