a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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