honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
