I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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