She is in my trunk
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
