you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
