Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
