There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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