No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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