I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Randomize
