Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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