I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
