Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize