sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize