Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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