you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
