We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
