Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
