She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
my liver is dry heaving
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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