I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
