Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
