she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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