I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
