I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he was CRYING into my vagina
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
