I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize