Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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