Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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