I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
