He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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