I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
