First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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