She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Actions speak louder than pants.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
