Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
