I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
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230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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