Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
