Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt