How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?