I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
