STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sorry my hands just texted you
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
