i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
