Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
