the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
