Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
