I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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