Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
