remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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