So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
